THEM!

There is a half-hearted trail of ants making its way from my bathroom doorjamb to the wall underneath my window. Since I have nothing for them to drag home, they see fit to just pass through.

Initially I was against the whole arrangement, but these ants, while slower than the California variety to which I'm accustomed, have a much tougher exoskeleton, making them so much harder to squish that it's not worth the time and toilet paper.

Surprisingly, I haven't found any crawling on me yet - they stick pretty much to their route. Although occasionally when I move my shoes, there'll be a few that scatter (slowly) and I almost feel bad, like I'm the uncool parent breaking up a party. But then I realize that ants shouldn't be hiding under shoes anyway, they should be out somewhere being industrious and snubbing carefree grasshoppers.